Of all the songs out there about the ill-fated love affair between a married and his mistress, none quite cut as deep as Amy Winehouse’s “Tears Dry on Their Own”. None quite detail the often dark and undignified persona that is THE MISTRESS. None quite capture how much the mistress is a hopeful, pitiful and albeit hapless participant in the enthralling game of deceit.
The song’s lyrics will probably bite just a tad deeper when one has been there and done that; probably through the memory of feeling quietly disgusted with oneself after spending yet another sexually charged but empty night with him. He was probably not the first (unavailable but available man), who knows?
Unfortunately there isn’t much sympathy out there for the mistress, irrespective of whether one knowingly or unwittingly entered into a relationship of this nature. Perhaps your bosom buddies might assist by lending a shoulder to lean on and offer ears to listen AND forgive you because, well, you are friends. What is the likelihood that when confronted with a third wheel in their own relationships, they will be as forgiving?
I surfed a few websites by mistresses of all sorts; those in distress because they aren’t getting the validation they require from their so-called Married Men (MM), and those who are quite happy being number two (or whatever number) as long as they don’t have to wash piles of dirty socks or put up with morning breath on a daily basis.
Nobody gives a hoot whether the mistress is perpetually caught between a rock and a hard place because her romanticized expectations are not materializing. Her self- destructive nature probably renders her a deserving candidate for a melancholic, pathetic existence.One has to wonder whether she likes herself all that much either.
Yet, the woman who cuts a lowly figure; coming across as an all-consuming and greedy,spineless creature isn’t always one seeking material benefits from a man. She is a highly intelligent and sophisticated woman. She clinches deals by day and is a mother (or not). Some other man calls her his wife. To the world, she is proper. Sometimes she is an open book. She is probably not the best looking woman yet. She is most women.
I would say it is a truly brave feat to pursue the affections of a man even with the open secret that they are reserved for someone legitimate.One would have to walk a mile in her shoes to get an idea, at the very least. Yet, it is very unlikely that many would admit that they’ve been there themselves for the purpose of self-preservation. Others will breathe a sigh of relief that “at least I didn’t know”, as if that makes for a better class of mistress. Ignorance certainly is bliss!
Being the mistress is arguably one of the most difficult jobs in the entire universe. In line with keeping up appearances, the mistress has to master the art of discretion. She ought to know better than to call the man at crazy hours of the night. Her job is to stroke the ego to the max, gently please! Knowing her place and sticking to it comes highly recommended since there can’t be two missuses. Dreaming of picket fences and sunny skies is not encouraged. In addition, asking too many questions is an exercise purely reserved for the main girl. Not forgetting being the goddess in the- you-know-what…
In a perfect world, the mistress would be a misnomer. She would be an urban legend because women would be far too discerning to be consumed by the pointless exercise that the affair truly is. They would also be less compromising of themselves and their values. In a perfect world, the mistress would realise that not every action is based on love, therefore love isn’t everything and neither is it always practical.
We don’t live in a perfect world.